As someone who works in the food service world, I understand how it stings to be overlooked, so I try to tip generously when I think a server has earned it.
When I bring up that it’s rude not to leave anything, my boyfriend snaps back: “They’re not doing much. They’re just walking it out to our car. If we were seated it would be a different story,” and my mother says, “I can’t afford to,” which then turns into the argument of, “If you can’t afford to tip, why are you eating out at all?”
It always ends with an awkward, tense meal. I know it’s poor form to complain when someone else is covering the check, but I can’t quite keep quiet.
I also know the conversations my coworkers have about non-tippers, and it hurts to imagine they might be talking about my loved ones.
I’ve offered to cover the tip but they refuse. Should I let it go? What’s the accepted etiquette for tipping a server during curbside pickup? Is there even a standard?
-C.
Dear C.,
I don’t think a “hey, everyone at Applebee’s thinks you’re cheap for not tipping” line is likely to change your mom or boyfriend’s minds.
That said, I’m largely on your side. Bringing a meal to a customer’s car is not nothing. Admittedly, it’s less work than full table service, so it probably doesn’t call for the standard 20% dining-out gratuity. Leaving a couple of dollars seems fair. Also, when it comes to restaurant work, I believe it’s better to err on the side of tipping a bit more to support people whose incomes rely on gratuities.
Still, tipping for takeout is a murky area, and I’ll give your boyfriend and mother the benefit of the doubt here. I don’t think they’re intentionally trying to slight anyone. They’re simply opting to cut costs in a manner that, for many, is socially acceptable.
They already know your perspective. If you haven’t explained the server’s side, you might try one more time using your industry experience. For instance, you could point out that leaving a tip compensates the server for time they could otherwise spend serving dine-in customers who typically generate higher checks.
If that doesn’t change them, it’s probably time to stop pressing the point — especially since they’re the ones footing the bill.
The good news is there’s a simple workaround that won’t require resigning yourself to perpetual, stress-filled takeout runs.
Keep a few dollar bills on hand. Next time you pick up a curbside order, don’t volunteer to pay the tip upfront. Wait until the server brings the food to your car. While your boyfriend or mom handles the payment for the meal, quietly say, “I’ve got the tip.” Then hand the server whatever cash amount you deem appropriate and thank them. Also be sure to thank the person paying for the meal.
Try this once and see how they react. If they’re fine with you giving cash directly to the server, problem solved. If this sparks more disagreement, you should probably let it go — your leverage is limited when someone else is covering the tab.
Either way, you probably won’t convert them into consistent tippers on their solo takeout orders. Yes, servers who don’t receive tips may grumble when customers drive off with their food, but you’ll have to be okay with that.
If people had Yelp-style ratings for life, very few of us would maintain perfect scores. We all must accept that others sometimes say unfavorable things about us behind our backs.
Spending energy fretting about what people say about you is draining. Worrying about what they might say about people you care about will leave you exhausted.
Strip the emotion out of the situation. Then enjoy takeout the way it’s meant to be enjoyed — paired with a Netflix binge and your favorite drink, not a debate over gratuity.
Robin Hart is a senior editor at Savinly and the writer behind Dear Savinly. Send your money-saving questions to [email protected].
For tips on stretching your food budget and easy meal wins at home, see make cooking at home easier than takeout.
