For better or worse, when couples marry in the United States, the legal framework has traditionally been built around certain Christian customs. That generally means a member of the clergy performs the ceremony and signs the marriage paperwork.
But participation in organized religion in America has beendeclining since the 1970s. Millennials are leaving religious institutions in particularly large numbers, and Gen Z is being raised by parents who are notably less religious than previous generations.
Paying a religious officiant to preside over one of your life’s biggest commitments can feel awkward if you don’t share that faith. In many jurisdictions, your only alternative is a judge or justice of the peace, which still forces a third party into this deeply personal moment.
In several states, you can avoid that outsider-officiant problem through a process known as self-uniting marriage or self-solemnization. This option not only spares you some discomfort — it can also cut costs by removing the officiant fee from your wedding budget.
What Is a Self-Uniting Marriage?
Ironically, the option to marry without an officiant comes from religious practice. Self-uniting marriage originates with Quaker tradition, which holds that each individual has equal access to the divine and therefore doesn’t require clergy to officiate. At a Quaker wedding, there is no officiant; the couple essentially presides over their own ceremony.
Religious liberty is a core American value, and that made it important—particularly in states with sizable Quaker populations, like Pennsylvania—to ensure Quaker marriages were legally recognized.
The Baha’i faith also permits self-uniting unions and is commonly referenced in state statutes addressing self-solemnization.
Can Non-Quakers Self-Unit?
You might be wondering how this applies if you aren’t Quaker. Maybe you have no religious affiliation at all. Can you legally perform a self-uniting marriage if you don’t belong to those faiths?
The short answer is: sometimes, yes.
That wasn’t always unambiguous. In 2007, a couple who were neither Baha’i nor Quaker sought a self-uniting marriage license in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania. When they truthfully identified their religion, the license was denied.
The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) intervened, contending the couple’sFirst Amendment rights had been infringed. They had been asked about their faith and then denied a government service because of their answer, a form of religious discrimination.
A federal judge agreed with the ACLU. Since that ruling, the organization has helped other couples in various Pennsylvania counties obtain self-solemnization licenses. While some county clerks may initially resist, legally you do not have to be Quaker or Baha’i to receive a self-uniting license in Pennsylvania.
Most states that permit self-uniting marriage have adopted similar reasoning.
Which States Allow Self-Uniting Marriages?
Only a minority of states explicitly allow self-solemnization, and each handles it a bit differently.
Maine and Nevada authorize self-uniting marriages, but with faith-based limits. Maine restricts it to members of the Quaker or Baha’i faiths. In Nevada, exemptions from the standard officiant model are available only for Quakers and certain American Indian traditions.
In the other states that permit self-uniting unions, the rules are generally more permissive.
California
In California, self-uniting marriage is commonly referred to as a “non-clergy wedding.” In 2016, prompted in part by advocacy from Americans United, San Francisco County issued the first documented atheist non-clergy marriage license in the state.
Not every county clerk will be well-versed in non-clergy licenses outside a Quaker context. But there is precedent to cite, and you should be able to secure a non-clergy marriage regardless of your religious beliefs.
Colorado
Colorado permits anyone to pursue a self-solemnizing marriage license. It is also one of the few places that does not require witnesses — it can literally be only you and your partner.
District of Columbia
Washington, D.C. offers rules similar to Colorado: anyone may self-solemnize, and no witnesses are mandated.
Illinois
Illinois law allows self-uniting marriage and does not limit the practice to adherents of any particular religion.
Kansas
Kansas permits self-uniting marriages so long as the ceremony aligns with the couple’s religious beliefs and traditions. The statute doesn’t specify a particular faith, so non-Quaker and non-Baha’i applicants can obtain a self-uniting license.
Pennsylvania
In Pennsylvania, you do not need an officiant to wed regardless of your religious affiliation. If a county clerk resists — more common in rural areas — you can cite the precedent or visit another clerk in a nearby county.
Wisconsin
Wisconsin allows self-uniting marriages without limiting the practice to Quaker or Baha’i members. Technically, the statute states the ceremony should be part of either partner’s religious customs, but you shouldn’t be denied a license just because you aren’t Quaker or Baha’i. State guidance also indicates the clerk’s office should not demand proof of religious belief.
What’s the Application Process?
Applying for a self-uniting marriage license is typically the same or very similar to obtaining a standard marriage license. Before COVID-19, this usually meant making an in-person appointment at the county clerk’s office and answering a handful of questions.
During the pandemic, many counties offered the meeting virtually via Zoom or another video platform. Generally, you’ll need to present your ID on camera to verify identity, then proceed with the required questions.
“We know these are life events and we wanted to make sure our office didn’t miss a beat,” says Paul López, the clerk and recorder for the city and county of Denver. Denver County began offering online marriage-license appointment services early in the COVID-19 crisis.
“We prioritized it, and at the end of the day, love prevailed. Even during the pandemic.”
Availability of online application appointments varies by county, even within the same state. In many counties that still require in-person visits, you’ll likely need an appointment rather than walk-in service.
Is Self-Solemnization More Expensive?
No — self-solemnizing is typically cheaper than a conventional ceremony with an officiant. You won’t have to pay an officiant’s fee or feel compelled to tip or gift a third party.
Some counties may charge a slightly higher fee for a self-uniting license. For instance, Allegheny County, Pennsylvania, does not charge extra for a self-solemnization license, but Philadelphia County tacks on an additional $10 fee.
That extra cost is small. Once you account for the savings from not hiring an officiant, you generally come out ahead financially.
Can a Self-Uniting Wedding Be Remote?
Sometimes. It depends on local rules. It’s smart to check ahead because policies have shifted in some places — or proposals have been made to change — due to the pandemic, which opened the door to many official remote proceedings.
States Allowing Remote Self-Solemnization
Denver is an excellent place to conduct a remote marriage, from obtaining your license to exchanging vows. Colorado’s lack of witness requirements makes it easy to Zoom guests in without needing their signatures or physical attendance.
The District of Columbia similarly does not require witnesses, enabling a fully remote wedding.
California still requires two witnesses under state law, but it expressly permits those witnesses to attend via teleconferencing.
States Likely to Require In-Person Presence
Pennsylvania and Wisconsin have less clear guidance. Before the pandemic, two in-person witnesses were required. During the pandemic, both states avoided firm positions on requiring physical presence and advised couples to consult legal counsel if concerned.
If you are marrying in Kansas or Illinois, it’s wise to obtain specific legal advice.
The likelihood your marriage’s legality will be questioned is small unless you later seek a divorce. If a court finds your union was not legally binding, divorce proceedings may be unnecessary because the marriage could be deemed never to have existed — a determination with serious legal and financial consequences.
Brianna Hayes is a contributor to Savinly.
