I’m a married mother of four energetic kids. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for about a decade (my oldest is 10). My husband is the only earner for our household of six. We’ve pretty much always had limited income and relied on welfare and other assistance at times.
Not long ago, I got my medical marijuana card in New Mexico. As a result, I’ve been spending a fair bit on cannabis. My (overbearing) stepmother constantly tries to “help” by poking into our finances, asking intrusive questions, mapping out our money for us, and lecturing about how I should handle our funds and tax refunds.
I’m torn about what to do here.
-J
Nine times out of ten, I encourage people to be transparent about money. I’d like to see more of us gain clarity about why we choose certain spending and saving habits.
But you are a notable exception. I get the clear sense that your stepmother would disapprove of your cannabis purchases even if a panel of physicians — or the surgeon general — endorsed them.
So it’s time to establish new boundaries. Sit down with your stepmom over coffee or tea and set some ground rules for your household finances.
You might say something like: “Now that the kids are getting older, we’ve agreed to keep our financial decisions within our immediate family,” making it explicit that “immediate family” means you, your husband and your children — not your stepmother.
Explain that you appreciate the input she’s offered through the years, but that you’re comfortable handling your family’s financial matters privately from now on.
Then, if she raises money topics later, you can calmly respond: “We discussed this before, and I’d like to remind you I prefer not to talk about my family’s finances. Please respect that.”
It helps that you aren’t prying into her accounts either — which, based on what you’ve said, you clearly don’t care to do.
Be composed, but resolute. Be polite, but firm. You can do this.
I also want to address your budget now that you’ve made a medical change. First, congratulations for taking a step for your health — that often requires courage and navigating red tape. Next, it’s wise to do some budgeting to ensure you can afford the remedies that ease your symptoms on a regular basis.
If you haven’t already, look into local nonprofit clinics or providers, strains that target your condition, and product types that fit your routine.
There’s no shame in asking your doctor or the dispensary staff how to get the most value for your money. Keep that conversation ongoing. New options may become available that give you the relief you need while trimming costs, and staying in touch with your medical team helps ensure you’re receiving good care.
Have a thorny financial question? Send it to [email protected].
Disclaimer: Selected questions and answers may appear in Savinly’s “Dear Penny” column. I can’t reply to every letter (my typing speed has limits!). We reserve the right to edit and publish submissions. Your identity will be kept confidential. I don’t hold degrees in psychology, accounting, finance, or law, so this guidance is informational only. I do promise to provide candid advice based on my own observations and real-life experience.
