What’s the most polite way to let friends know you’d prefer they stop adding you to their direct-sales online “events” on Facebook?
Over the last year alone I’ve been invited to leggings parties, jewelry showcases, makeup events and demonstrations for kitchen gadgets. And when someone books an event from a host (because, naturally, buying isn’t considered enough — you’re also encouraged to host your own gathering so your original host can reap extra freebies), that new host will frequently re-invite people from the first host’s guest list!
I don’t need or want any of these products, yet I often feel compelled to purchase SOMETHING because my name appears on the guest roster and others can see whether I bought. Some hosts even display who hasn’t RSVP’d or purchased, so your lack of action becomes public.
It’s worse than attending a Tupperware party where you had to fill out an order sheet in front of everyone. The setup is uncomfortable and clearly engineered to pressure you into buying.
I don’t want to upset my friends, but I’m retired now and my income has dropped significantly. I’m also at a point in life where I want to shed things I don’t use, not accumulate more.
I’ve never hosted one of these direct-sales parties, in person or online, so there’s no reciprocal obligation. I simply want to stop wasting money on unnecessary items to avoid disappointing friends.
Online Party Pooper
Social networks have made dodging independent sales reps far tougher. Instead of ducking behind the couch when they ring your doorbell, screening calls, and sporting a hat and sunglasses in the grocery store (guilty), now you must do all that plus more. Like disabling read receipts on texts and carefully avoiding accidental taps while scrolling Facebook on your phone.
You can’t even while away a few minutes without risking an invite to a JamChef Nail Art Cooking Fitness Party.
I’ve put together a simple two-step escape strategy.
Step 1: Tune it all out. If the invitation came through Facebook, you can unfollow the event or, if you’re bold, remove yourself from the guest list. Let’s give Facebook credit for this one helpful feature.
Step 2: For times when ignoring the invitation still makes you feel guilty:
Try repeating one or more of the following replies.
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not interested.”
“Best of luck with your event, but I won’t be attending.”
“Thanks, but I’m only buying what Marie Kondo approves of right now.”
“This isn’t on my shopping list at the moment. Hope it goes well!”
Whatever you do, don’t apologize. Never apologize. Trust me: independent consultants aren’t primarily interested in your friendship; they want sales. The ones who truly are your friends won’t take offense if you bow out. And if you disengage gradually, most people won’t even notice.
If you want another perspective on money-related awkward moments, check out dear penny young and broke.
Have an awkward money dilemma? Send it to [email protected].
Disclaimer: Selected questions and answers may be published in Savinly’s “Dear Penny” column. I can’t respond to every letter (my typing speed is limited!). We reserve the right to edit submissions and publish them. Your identity will be kept anonymous. I don’t hold degrees in psychology, accounting, finance or law, so my guidance is for general informational purposes only. I do, however, promise straightforward advice based on personal insights and real-life experience.
Editor’s note: Letters are edited for clarity and style.
