You made the decision to leave one town behind and relocate somewhere new. That opens the door to a lot of fresh experiences and adventures.
It also means building new relationships, which can be challenging as an adult. Since many people move to lower their cost of living, finding inexpensive ways to meet people is helpful.
So how do you find adult friends after relocating? Experts say forming friendships doesn’t have to be complicated or costly.
Why Is Making Friends Harder as We Age?
As we age, our priorities shift and responsibilities multiply, reducing the number of casual interactions. We’re choosier about who we spend time with and we no longer meet hundreds of peers like we did in school. Remote work, which limits in-person contact, adds another barrier.
And then there are expectations.
Many of us still cling to a sitcom-style fantasy of instant BFFs at a neighborhood café. That’s not realistic, said Danielle Bayard Jackson, a certified friendship coach and founder of Friend Forward, a digital community that helps people build and sustain authentic friendships.
Breaking into established social circles is tough and takes patience.
“I think there is a fear of rejection that underlies so much. Making friends is about finding people who accept you for who you are and, by nature, it can feel vulnerable because it’s a voluntary relationship,” Jackson said.
Studies suggest it takes roughly 40 to 60 hours of shared time to become casual friends within the first six weeks of meeting — but that doesn’t always lead to deeper connection.
About half the time, friendships form after spending 80 to 100 hours together.
Close friendships require even more time.
These time estimates come from Jeffrey Hall’s 2018 research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. However, Hall noted that time alone doesn’t guarantee a true friendship.
“Lots of people have many acquaintances or people whose names they remember, but they don’t always know how to shift from acquaintance to friend,” said Kat Vellos, author of “We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships.”
Do These 4 Things to Make Friends Before You Move
- Tell everyone you know you’re relocating
- Reconnect with old contacts
- Learn about your new neighborhood
- Be ready for new experiences
We all benefit from various kinds of friends. Efforts to cultivate new ones should start before you arrive. Friendship pros offer tips that can help you form at least one new bond in your new city.
Tell Everyone You Know You’re Relocating
You don’t know everyone your current friends know. A friend’s cousin might already live where you’re headed. Use the wider network of acquaintances.
Reach out to friends-of-friends and tap your existing connections to spark potential introductions before you land. Cast a broad net rather than relying only on your inner circle to make introductions.
“There’s a lot of evidence that most opportunities in life come through loose ties, not just those closest to us,” Vellos said.
Asking friends and family if they know people or resources in your new town can smooth the transition.
Reconnect with Old Contacts
People come and go from our lives based on season and circumstance. Someone you lost touch with from college or a prior job might not need to be gone forever.
Don’t hesitate to rekindle relationships; they may already live where you’re moving.
Learn About Your New Neighborhood
Before relocating, start paying attention to your destination. Follow local news outlets. Subscribe to community social media pages. Get current on events, popular pastimes, and local hot spots.
Jackson suggested thinking about places you frequent now and asking whether there are similar spots in your new town.
Be Ready for New Experiences
Relocating is an opportunity for a fresh chapter. Stay open to trying new activities and remember you’re not the only one searching for friends.
“People already living in a place may be longing for new energy and connections,” Vellos said. “They may feel stagnant and you can bring a welcomed spark simply by being new.”
10 Inexpensive Ways to Make Friends in a New City
- Say yes to that movie invite
- Chat with people at the farmers market
- Ask coworkers about their kids
- Join local Facebook groups
- Try out for a city softball league
- Enroll in a music class
- Take a bus tour of your city
- Hold office hours at a cafe
- Spend time at the dog park
- Throw a housewarming gathering
Say Yes to the Movie Invite
Be open to trying something new. When someone invites you out, consider saying yes rather than declining.
“Be willing to try new things and push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone,” Vellos suggested.
The first meet-up might not click right away, so give it another couple of tries before deciding it’s not for you.
“Many adults are frustrated because they expect friendships to form spontaneously,” Vellos said. “That rarely happens. You have to make the effort.”
Chat with People at the Farmers Market
This tip is straightforward: be friendly. Make eye contact. Talk to your rideshare driver. Strike up a conversation with the person selecting produce next to you. Engage the barista at your new favorite coffee shop or the folks in line.
Remember, the people you approach are also deciding whether to expand their social circle.
“Friendship dating requires patience, curiosity and persistence,” Vellos said. “It involves showing up repeatedly to get to know someone and letting them get to know you.”
If someone says it was nice to meet you and you want to pursue friendship, exchange contact details and follow up with a suggested plan.
Vellos recommended not letting too much time pass before reconnecting — whether by meeting again, calling, or video chatting.
Ask About Your Coworkers’ Kids
Your coworkers are a ready-made group with shared interests. Try to get to know them — though it’s harder if you’re fully remote. If you’re on Zoom all day, check who else lives in your area.
If you work on-site, attend social events, lunches, and happy hours, even virtual ones. Join workplace groups or projects. Show interest in coworkers’ lives by asking about their hobbies, families, or local recommendations for doctors, restaurants and schools.
Join Local Facebook Groups
Updating your location on social media helps you find people nearby. Use search functions to explore local communities.
- Facebook: There are groups built for newcomers and people with shared interests. Search your city with terms like newbies, expats, or things to do.
- Instagram: Follow locals and interact with their posts to learn about events and find like-minded people.
- Friendship and dating apps: Some platforms include sections specifically for people seeking platonic relationships.
- Meetup: The purpose of Meetup is to gather people with similar interests — a natural fit for meeting others.
“I like social groups because there’s a baseline understanding that people are there to make connections. That reduces fear of rejection,” Jackson said.
She suggested contacting the organizer before an event to say you’re a newcomer; they may welcome you and introduce you to others.
Try Out for a City Softball Team
Groups built around a shared interest help friendships form quickly.
You might already belong to an organization that has a chapter where you’re moving. Check whether your college alumni association, sorority or fraternity, or volunteer groups have local chapters.
Other ideas include:
- Sports: Joining a recreational league or team is a fun way to meet people while staying active. Community centers often list local leagues; dance classes are another option.
- Faith-based groups: Local faith communities are welcoming and often have outreach coordinators to help newcomers connect.
- Local shops: Specialty stores are hubs for clubs — yarn shops for knitting circles, bookstores for book clubs, and running stores for running groups.
- Play dates: If you have children, arranging playdates with peers from their school can build adult connections as well.
Enroll in a Music or Skill Class
When your calendar is light after a move, it’s a great time to learn something new. You don’t need to pursue a degree; take workshops or community classes. Check the local library for free or low-cost classes.
Maybe you’ve wanted to learn a language, pick up painting, or try photography. Take guitar lessons, join a community garden, or sign up for art classes. You’ll meet people who share your curiosity and may form lasting bonds.
Take a City Bus Tour
Engage with your new city. Visit museums, libraries, zoos and parks. Start conversations with people admiring the same exhibit. Take a bus tour or simply ride public transit.
Attend local sporting and cultural events — cheering for the same team can create a sense of camaraderie.
Hold Office Hours at a Cafe
Jackson recommended cultivating a routine to help build relationships, particularly for remote workers.
She suggested committing to working outside the home on a regular schedule — at a coffee shop, library, or coworking spot.
“Becoming a regular somewhere breeds familiarity and makes it easier to strike up a conversation with someone you see often,” she said.
Familiar faces can become friends.
Spend Time at the Dog Park
If you have or plan to get a pet, dog parks and walks are excellent venues to meet people. Pets can help break the ice and find furry playmates too.
Pet sitters and pet stores often know the local pet community and where people tend to gather.
Throw a Housewarming Gathering
Want to meet neighbors and find out whether coworkers are people you’d like to hang out with? Host a housewarming get-together.
After meeting neighbors, keep saying hi and offer assistance if you can. Small acts build rapport.
Vellos shared that a friend hosts monthly potlucks where guests bring dishes and someone new. That keeps the group fresh and welcoming.
Decide What Types of Friendships You Want
Not every friendship serves the same purpose. Both Vellos and Jackson said we all need different kinds of friends. Friendships can be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Some friends are casual companions — people to do activities with because they’re nearby. Others are confidants, the people you trust and turn to in deeper moments. Over time, some relationships can deepen into close friendships.
Jackson described having distinct groups that shape parts of her identity: mom friends, church friends, single friends, entrepreneur friends. Each serves a role and may remain within a particular context.
“That’s one of the beautiful things about friendship — it can look however you need it to. We need multiple friends because we’re different versions of ourselves with different people,” she said.
Vellos noted that friendship circles tend to evolve roughly every seven years.
“A person doesn’t have to be your forever friend. They might be your friend for a year, and then your circle shifts. People move in and out of closeness. You can have many kinds of friendships, so don’t put too much pressure on any one connection.”
Put in the Work to Make Friends
Forming friendships takes time and not every person you meet will become a close ally.
“Rejection is redirection — they’re steering you toward people who are open to new friendships,” Vellos said.
Give yourself time to settle and to meet people. A little persistence will yield more than fair-weather acquaintances.
“It often takes about a year before people say they felt at home in a new city,” Vellos added, noting you’re also discovering favorite restaurants, shops, and settling into work life.
Just a few connections are enough to create relationships that may grow into strong or lifelong friendships.
Alexandra Miles is a Florida-based freelance reporter with more than 25 years of experience writing about personal finance, health, travel and related topics.
