I’ll begin nursing school in January 2022 and have a question about possible obligations to my boyfriend. He’s offered to give me rides to all my school commitments until my license is reinstated in May 2022. My alternative would be paying for ride-shares, which could run $2,000 or more per month.
That’s incredibly kind, and I’m very grateful. He’ll be giving up a lot of his own time to help me out.
Our relationship is solid, and I don’t foresee that changing. We’ve even discussed marriage, but that wouldn’t happen until after nursing school. (We both finish around the same time.)
I know that pre-arranged agreements can be useful in cases like this if a breakup happens. I’m trying to be prudent given the unknown future. If we do part ways, would I have any legal duty to reimburse him for his help? If so, is there a way to formalize an agreement now to prevent that unlikely outcome?
– Anxious Nursing Student
Dear Anxious,
You can’t anticipate every worst-case scenario that might follow a breakup. That said, accepting your boyfriend’s generosity seems reasonably low-risk.
Generally speaking, couples usually need written contracts when substantial assets or debts are involved. For example, when unmarried partners purchase a home together, a binding agreement is crucial. You’d want a domestic partnership or cohabitation agreement that clarifies who remains in the residence and how any related liabilities are handled if you separate. But unless your boyfriend demands you sign a document promising to pay him for chauffeuring you, it would be difficult for him to successfully sue you for driving services if the relationship ends.
What I’d be more concerned about is the effect this arrangement could have on your relationship. If ride-shares would cost you $2,000 a month, it sounds like you’ll be spending a lot of time in the car together. That might feel fine at first, but could become draining after a few months, especially when both of you are tired from studying.
When deciding whether to take him up on the offer, consider the cost to him not only financially but also in time. If he doesn’t have to go too far out of his way, riding with him seems like an easy choice. But if he’ll be spending hours every day driving you around while juggling his own coursework, depending on him for all your transportation likely won’t be sustainable.
The choice doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can accept his help while also setting aside funds so he can get occasional relief.
Rather than budgeting $2,000 monthly for ride-sharing, you might set aside a few hundred dollars each month. Use that for occasional Ubers or a nearby motel when needed. After classes begin, ask classmates whether anyone lives nearby and might be willing to carpool for gas money. And be sure to contribute toward your boyfriend’s fuel costs.
Your boyfriend sounds considerate for offering to sacrifice his time, and you sound appropriately appreciative. Whenever possible, demonstrate that gratitude by easing his load in other ways — cook for him, handle extra chores if you live together, or otherwise free up his time.
This arrangement is temporary. With clear communication and backup transportation options so he can tend to his own priorities when pressed for time, I think you can make it work.
Claire Donnelly is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at Savinly. Send your tough money questions to questions@savinly.com or join the conversation in the Savinly Readers community.
