Ashley Rhodes-Courter endured a harsh upbringing in the foster-care system.
She was removed from her biological mother at age 3. For roughly a decade, Rhodes-Courter was shifted through 14 different foster and group homes — many of which, she remembers, were severely abusive.
Still, Rhodes-Courter, now 32, transformed that painful history into fuel for a brighter future.
She earned a master’s degree in social work and became a guardian ad litem, volunteering to advocate for children involved in child-welfare cases.
She launched a direct-services agency — Sustainable Family Services — and a charitable group — the Foundation for Sustainable Families. Both focus on supporting families in need.
For about five years, Rhodes-Courter and her husband, Erick Smith, welcomed more than 25 foster children into their St. Petersburg, Florida, home. They were newlyweds in their early 20s when they took in their first foster child.
Some placements lasted only days or weeks. Other youngsters stayed for months or even over a year.
“We were just so passionate and committed about [the decision to foster] because of my experiences,” Rhodes-Courter said.
Her own childhood helped shape the kind of parents she and her husband were determined not to be, she added.
Accepting that level of responsibility — including the monetary obligations — while young could intimidate some, but Rhodes-Courter said the difficulties didn’t deter her or Smith from fostering.
“I know that the financial strain is a major concern for people when they’re considering fostering,” she said. “However, I also understood [from my work] that children in foster care have access to a number of supports. I felt confident we were resourceful enough to work through the different systems of care.”
Covering Costs for New Arrivals
Rhodes-Courter and Smith mainly fostered children under 5. Those youngsters qualify for WIC, a supplemental nutrition program for women, infants and children, and also for subsidized childcare and Medicaid, she said.
To help foster families handle the expenses of child-rearing, child-welfare agencies provide monthly stipends. The payment varies depending on many factors, such as the child’s needs and the family’s region.
Rhodes-Courter said maneuvering the various systems to obtain benefits foster children are entitled to isn’t always simple, but it can ease some of the financial strain families experience.
Still, even with public support, foster parents can face out-of-pocket costs. Some infants arrived with nothing but a wet diaper, so Rhodes-Courter and her husband immediately needed to buy clothing and diapers.
To qualify as foster parents, Rhodes-Courter said their household had to demonstrate they could cover a child’s expenses without state assistance. She noted they spent a fair amount from their own pockets because they decided to provide more than the minimum for the children in their care.
“We chose to make sure our kids could participate in extracurricular activities, after-school programs and music lessons,” Rhodes-Courter said.
Pursuing specialized medical and developmental services for some children was another cost they absorbed.
They also purchased home-safety items required for foster licensing.
“There are small things that a typical household might not have,” she said. “Like we had to have fire extinguishers. We had to make sure we had thermometers in the freezer and fridge.”
Even with the additional expenditures linked to fostering, Rhodes-Courter said she never viewed it as a massive financial hardship.
“For us, the rewards of serving these children and providing them secure spaces definitely outweighed any monetary cost we faced,” she said. “I wouldn’t even call it a ‘burden’ because as a parent, you do what you can for your kids, and that applies to biological or foster children alike.”
Removing Money as a Barrier
Rhodes-Courter encouraged people interested in fostering not to be put off by financial worries.
“If you think you’re a family with modest means, there are a lot of programs designed to support you on your fostering journey,” she said.
Also, adopting frugal habits can make a difference. Rhodes-Courter said she used coupons frequently, shopped for secondhand clothing and exchanged baby items with other parents.
“That saying: ‘It takes a village’ — that’s especially true when you’re a foster parent,” she said.
Rhodes-Courter pointed out that foster families come from diverse economic backgrounds. She’s aware of foster parents who are educators and others who are professional athletes.
You don’t need to fit a specific stereotype to foster. It’s fine if you’re a single person or still repaying student loans or living in an apartment.
“The truth is there aren’t nearly enough foster homes available,” Rhodes-Courter said. “The goal is to provide a safe, loving, nurturing household.”
Not All Foster Homes Are the Same
Because child-welfare agencies provide money to foster families, some outside observers assume parents are in it for financial gain.
Regrettably, Rhodes-Courter has firsthand knowledge of people who exploit the system and earn that negative reputation.
“I was in one home that had 16 kids sharing two bedrooms in a trailer,” she said, adding that she and the other children were beaten, starved and left outdoors. “It was absolutely terrible, and it was clear those caregivers were doing it for the money.”
Rhodes-Courter emphasized families should never decide to foster for financial motives.
“Sadly, some people view fostering as a supplemental income, but that’s definitely not why anyone should become a foster parent,” she said. “I hope licensing agencies have strong screening and safeguards to prevent situations where people enter fostering for the wrong reasons.”
The Emotional Toll of Fostering
Rhodes-Courter not only carried emotional wounds from her time as a foster child. Being a foster mother also exacted an emotional price.
“The aim of foster care is often to reunite children with their birth families,” she said. “Sometimes that’s heartbreaking because as a foster parent, we’ve seen kids returned to households where parents were still using drugs and even posting about it on social media.”
Rhodes-Courter remembered a toddler who arrived with multiple sexually transmitted infections and was later returned to her mother, who, Rhodes-Courter said, admitted she knew her daughter was being abused but “didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”
Rhodes-Courter recounted some of the wrenching moments she faced as a foster parent in her book “Three More Words,” a sequel to her memoir “Three Little Words,” which explores her childhood in foster care.
She coped with the difficult episodes by moving forward and preparing to serve the next child.
“For us, we just understood that for every child who left our home, regardless of the circumstances, there would likely be a call shortly after about a new child needing help,” Rhodes-Courter said. “So we kept pressing on with the resolve to help as many children as possible. Our beds rarely remained empty because the need is so great.”
When Fostering Becomes Adoption
Although Rhodes-Courter and Smith didn’t begin fostering with the goal of adopting, one of the final children to sleep in their home became a permanent member of their family.
The couple adopted 1-year-old Skyler in 2013.
Still, Rhodes-Courter warned people not to assume fostering is an easy route to adoption.
“We had more than 25 kids, and I think only three or four ever became available for adoption, and just one of those we were able to adopt,” she said.
Rhodes-Courter, who herself was adopted from foster care at age 12, advised families who specifically want to adopt to make that intention clear when beginning the licensing process to become foster parents.
“Often the goal for foster children is reunification, and children can be returned to birth families after foster parents have formed deep attachments and begun to view them as permanent,” she said.
Those who do adopt from foster care often find it’svery different financiallythan adopting through a private or international agency, which can cost tens of thousands of dollars.
“An adoption from foster care is intended to come at no cost to the adoptive parent, which is a huge help for many families,” Rhodes-Courter said. “They may also qualify for an adoption tax credit, which is another financial benefit.”
Today, Rhodes-Courter and Smith are raising Skyler, now 6, alongside their biological sons, Ethan, 5, and Andrew, 3. Although they’re no longer fostering, they continue to champion children’s needs and support families.
“We simply felt the calling and the need,” Rhodes-Courter said. “We wanted to be the type of home, and now the type of service provider, that I wished I had when I was a child.”
Nicole Dow is a staff writer at Savinly. She enjoys covering topics about families and finances.
