February conjures images of pink decorations, sweet treats and intimate dinners. This Valentine’s Day, though, consider adding a different kind of plan to your agenda — a conversation about money. It may not be as romantic, but handled thoughtfully, a financial discussion could be one of the most meaningful things you do for your partnership.
Why Talking About Money Helps Couples
The American Institute of CPAs reports that seven out of 10 married or cohabiting Americans experienced financial disagreements with their partner within the last year. Typical flashpoints include whether to dine out and how acceptable credit card debt is. In fact, one-quarter of couples say money conversations rank among the biggest hurdles in their relationship overall.
Unsurprisingly, financial strain plays a role in breakups: roughly 34% of divorces point to money stress as a significant factor. That strain doesn’t only come from insufficient funds; it often stems from clashing views about spending, saving and planning. Research has shown that married partners who argue about finances weekly are more than 30% likelier to divorce than those who spar only a few times a month according to past studies.
Put simply, despite our best intentions, money matters — and mismanaging conversations about it can seriously harm a relationship.
The remedy? Start cultivating financial intimacy and schedule a purposeful money talk.
Looking for Ways to Save?
If you’re preparing to discuss finances with your partner and saving has been a challenge, here are strategies to ease the pressure. We’ve gathered several practical saving ideas to help you move closer to your financial objectives.
What Is Financial Intimacy?
You may have heard of financial infidelity — hiding purchases or lying about money — but it’s worth knowing about its opposite: financial intimacy. While many admit to hiding financial details (about 43% in one survey), financial intimacy means being transparent and candid about money with your partner. It’s not about micromanaging every transaction; it’s about building trust through honest conversations about finances and decisions. That trust helps couples plan together and can reduce disputes.
If you want an open financial relationship this Valentine’s, it’s a great moment to start the dialogue.
How to Conduct a Productive Money Conversation
Whether you’re newly dating or have spent years together, open communication about money is essential — even though it’s often difficult. Money is taboo in many cultures because it triggers strong emotions. Couples frequently approach these talks feeling defensive, which makes true financial intimacy challenging. Before listing topics to cover, here are some ground rules to make the conversation constructive.
Put It on the Calendar
Our first tip is simple: schedule the conversation. People are less likely to be candid if surprised or if the talk feels reactionary. Choose a date and time with minimal distractions and when both of you can engage fully. Planning ahead also gives you a chance to gather any necessary documents or information beforehand.
Come as Equals
Agree going in that you’re equals in the discussion. Income differences or who usually handles bills shouldn’t determine whose opinions matter. Be ready to explain unfamiliar terms and to hold off on judgment about past financial choices.
Be Candid
It may seem obvious, but honesty is crucial. Don’t downplay spending or hide outstanding balances. Present a truthful picture of your finances so you can make informed decisions together.
Listen With Curiosity, Not Criticism
Listening is as important as honesty. If you want your partner to be open, refrain from immediate criticism. This meeting should be about understanding each other’s financial situations and perspectives rather than assigning blame. That said, you can still address changes or differing viewpoints — do so with the intent to understand, not to condemn.
What Topics Should You Cover?
Going into a money conversation without a plan makes success unlikely. Specifics will depend on where your relationship stands, but below are conversation starters and topics to guide you.
1. What Financial Basics Should We Share?
There are foundational elements of financial health every committed couple should discuss. If you’re in a long-term relationship, you should already be familiar with each other’s financial picture; if not, now is the time to be transparent. You don’t need to account for every purchase, but you should have a clear sense of your combined standing.
Review things like income, credit scores, debts, student loans and any child support obligations. Sharing this information reduces surprises and allows you to approach problems together. Though it might feel intimidating, vulnerability builds trust and makes tackling financial challenges more collaborative.
2. How Did Money Function in Your Childhood Home?
Our attitudes about money often stem from early experiences. Perhaps one partner’s upbringing emphasized saving and frugality while the other’s prioritized spending. These differences can lead to tension.
Start with simple questions such as:
- Did you receive an allowance?
- Was money tight in your family growing up?
- What was your first job?
- What is your earliest money-related memory?
These prompts help uncover why money matters in certain ways to each of you and can clarify conflicting approaches.
3. What Are Your Views on Debt?
Average household debt in 2024 was around $105,056. Debt is a common part of modern finances, so it’s important for couples to understand each other’s comfort level with borrowing. Consider discussing:
- What’s your general stance on debt?
- Which purchases justify taking on debt?
- What balance, if any, are you comfortable carrying on a credit card?
- How do you approach paying down debt?
- If you’re actively paying off debt, how do you view our progress?
Debt doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but aligning on what types and amounts you find acceptable will prevent future conflict.
4. How Do You Feel About How We Split Finances?
Some couples pool money, while others keep accounts separate and divvy up expenses. Discussing your current arrangement helps you adapt when circumstances change and checks whether the system is working for both partners.
Also talk about who handles the administrative side of finances. Managing money can take time, so consider whether a budgeting tool or financial advisor could reduce the workload. There are many couple-friendly budgeting apps that simplify tracking and collaboration.
5. What Are Your Financial Goals?
Whether newly involved or celebrating decades together, it’s valuable to talk about aspirations. Discuss both short-term aims — like saving for a house in the coming year — and long-term visions for retirement lifestyle.
It’s easy to lose sight of future plans amid daily life, so make time to set motivating goals. Revisit them periodically; goals evolve, and regular check-ins help keep you aligned and connected.
6. If You Had $1,000, What Would You Spend It On?
This lighter question reminds you that money conversations don’t have to be all seriousness. Swap amounts depending on what feels like a splurge for you, and see what your partner’s dream purchase reveals. Be honest — or turn it into a guessing game. If you’re stumped, we’ve got ideas to inspire you.
Bring Romance Back In
We’re not suggesting Valentine’s Day is the sole occasion to talk money, but it’s a meaningful day to begin the conversation if you haven’t already.
A good money talk should draw you closer and build financial trust that helps avert future conflict. This Valentine’s, celebrate by nurturing your relationship — including protecting it from money-related strain.
Contributor Emma Clark covers banking, credit cards and investing for Savinly. She also writes about other personal finance topics.
