We live in an era where consumer pressures surround us at every turn. If you’re a parent, you’ve likely noticed your children aren’t immune to the temptation.
I want that.
Can we get it?
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Although denying your children’s requests can trigger guilt — especially during special occasions or if you’re determined to give them a more plentiful childhood than you experienced — saying no can actually be beneficial.
The Benefits of Saying No
The most immediate advantage of refusing your children’s frequent pleas for all the things is that it helps you conserve money.
But refusing kids isn’t just about saving cash; it offers positive outcomes beyond finances.
“Your refusals teach children how to handle disappointment, build resilience, sharpen their
decision-making skills and learn to respect boundaries — abilities they’ll need
when they leave home,” said Susan Newman, social psychologist and author of “The
Book of No: 365 Ways to Say It and Mean It ― and Stop People-Pleasing Forever.”
“‘No’ is an instructive experience,” she added.
Saying “no” can also promote stronger character development, according to Michele Borba, educational psychologist and author of “UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.”
“Children who are less focused on material possessions tend to be more ‘we’-centered than ‘me’-centered,” she noted. “They care more about others and worry less about appearances and belongings. Their self-worth is more genuine. Perhaps most importantly, studies show that these youngsters are more empathetic, caring, cooperative, compassionate and morally brave.”
By contrast, Borba said children whose parents accede to every demand often come to expect they’ll always obtain what they want. They become less appreciative and less content with what they possess.
Moving Past “Because I Said So”
Many financial advisers recommend introducing children to money topics early. But broaching those conversations isn’t always easy.
Newman urged parents to be careful when discussing household financial limits. She suggested it’s crucial to reassure kids that their essential needs will be taken care of.
“You don’t want to scare your child, but you also want to inject a dose of reality, especially around holidays and birthdays when demands tend to rise,” Newman said. “Acknowledge your child’s desire. Let them know you understand they’re disappointed. And, if it’s true, explain that you wish you could provide what they want.”
Borba recommended parents don’t need to reveal the exact state of their finances.
“A better tactic is to say, ‘This year we need to scale back,’” she advised. “Then invite your child to prioritize. Set a spending or gift cap. And don’t feel guilty about saying no. Your family’s wellbeing is more important.”
When having these tougher dialogues, Borba suggests presenting the information in a calm, straightforward manner.
Raising Smarter Money Users
Refusing every toy-store demand may improve your budget immediately, but it can also influence your child’s future relationship with money.
“Being honest about not being able to buy everything your child requests can teach them to be selective in how they spend later on,” Newman said. “Being realistic can steer them toward becoming a thoughtful consumer.”
“Research indicates that materialistic parents tend to raise the most materialistic children,” Borba said.
By modeling a lack of fixation on material goods, you increase the odds of raising a child who won’t be consumed by consumer culture as they grow.
Nicole Dow is a staff writer at Savinly. She enjoys covering parenting and personal finance topics.
