I’ve owned her (yes, her) since I graduated high school. At this point, I don’t even notice the dings, the scratches, or the missing hubcaps; I mostly see the dependable ride that’s been with me for 11 years.
Even before I acquired “the Cam,” I’d been the proud operator of two other junkers — so you could say I’m somewhat of a beater car enthusiast.
And I’ve come to realize that while every beater has its own special “personality” (a polite way to put it, right?), there are certain experiences every beater driver recognizes…
1. Manually Raising the Windows… Or Just Ignoring Them
What’s the deal with windows? Why are they so temperamental?
In nearly every beater I’ve ever ridden in, at least one window has been busted.
Maybe you have to press the button while helping it up with your hand, or crank it down manually but only halfway or it’ll never climb back up!
Or, like my friend Kate’s car, you simply live with the driver’s window perpetually down. (Lucky for her, she lives in San Diego!)
2. Paying Way More for Insurance Than the Car’s Value
Every month when I pay the insurance bill, I feel like I’m tossing cash out the window: $85 to insure a (cherished) heap of junk?!
In one year I probably shell out more for insurance than the car’s actual worth.
Feeling similarly? You might want to compare quotes from different insurers — switching could cut your costs significantly!
3. Cranking Up the Radio to Mask Odd Noises
What’s that ticking? Why does it sound like a chorus of feral cats under the hood?
Who cares — just blast the radio.
And yes, I mean radio. I know some cars pair seamlessly with phones, but for those of us with beaters, those drivers are living in another universe.
If you’re fortunate, you might even find a CD in one of those classic visor holders.
Some Pearl Jam, maybe? Or a bit of Whitney?
4. Perpetually Having a “Check Engine” Light Glowing
Does your instrument panel resemble a holiday light display?
Mine certainly does. It seems as soon as I fix one issue, another warning illuminates.
I usually drive on and if nothing catastrophic happens, I just add it to the roster of permanent lights.
And speaking of the dash, let’s talk gauges. How fast are you going? How many miles are on the odometer?
In a beater, it’s often a bit of an enigma — which, in my opinion, is part of its charm.
5. Driving With Poor Visibility Because the Defroster Sucks
It’s early, you’re running late, and the windshield is ice-coated.
A new car’s defroster might clear it in under a minute, but your beater is a different story…
So you wipe a small hole in the frost, and even though it’s hardly safe, you convince yourself it’s adequate — and drive off with a tiny porthole as your field of view.
For my friends in frosty regions, don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean.
6. Sporting Multiple Paint Colors… and Plenty of Stickers
With mismatched panels and patchwork paint, your beater can look like a multi-hued, rust-speckled rainbow, made even more festive by an assortment of bumper stickers.
While others might avoid stickers “in case I sell it someday,” you know selling isn’t a realistic plan.
Besides, if you ever tried to sell it for some cash, those stickers would probably hide a few dents.
So you figure, why not? Slap on a coexist decal if you want.
7. Never Sneaking Up on Anyone Since They Can Hear You From Blocks Away
Ever wish you could surprise someone? Or sneak out quietly at night?
Not with a beater — even your hard-of-hearing grandma can hear you coming a mile off.
You might debate with your partner — as I once did — that there’s no real difference between the rumble of your Cam-baby and the noise he wants his flashy Thunderbird to have… but he’ll probably just roll his eyes.
8. Only Being Able to Use Certain Doors
The most exclusive beaters only have three (or fewer) operational doors.
Maybe you have to clamber out the passenger side, or lower the window to open the door from the outside — which is how the Cam operates.
Hey, at least you’re getting a little workout!
9. Leaving a Huge Instruction List When Someone Dares to Borrow It
Let’s be clear: People usually aren’t lining up to borrow my car.
Typically, it’s only those with no car at all or whose vehicle is in the repair shop.
When some brave soul does want to take it for a spin, I’m fine with it — after all, what’s the worst they can do?
But lending out a beater always comes with an exhaustive list of directions. It’s not just “turn it on and drive” — do you think anyone can just start this car?
… You need to jiggle the key while stepping on the gas.
… And when shifting into third, be sure to move over and up — not only up.
… Oh, and ignore the whining noise — but if it turns into a “clinkity-clink,” stop immediately.
10. Rarely Locking Your Doors
Because, let’s be honest, nobody’s going to steal this thing.
Even if someone tried, they likely wouldn’t have the skill (or the prior knowledge) required to operate it.
Plus, without a fancy key fob and automatic locks, it’s more trouble than it’s worth.
If someone did steal the Cam, though, I’d be pretty bummed.
But it might be the push I need to “upgrade” to a car with functioning windows and doors — though where’s the excitement in that?
Your Turn: Have you ever driven a beater? What would you add to this list?
Sponsorship Disclosure: Big thanks to Compare.com for partnering with us to bring you this piece. It’s rare we get to share something this helpful and be compensated for it!
Alex Morgan, senior writer for Savinly, loves budget-friendly adventures. Check out their blog at alexmorgan.com, or say hello on Twitter @alex_morgan.
