This past winter I made a terrible, terrible, terrible business choice when I hired a launch firm for my new book. As a fellow small business owner, I tend to be forgiving toward other small-business operators and shy away from probing them or haggling over charges.
That poor decision cost me $6,500 — at a moment when I had delayed work for paying clients for four months to finish the book. Ouch… that stung.
After some serious reflection, I began to recognize I’d always been nice in a way that empties my bank account faster than a keg at a college party. For instance:
- I once hired an assistant out of pity — picking him over 90 other candidates, many of whom were more qualified — and wound up paying a lot for minimal actual output.
- When faced with a “Pay What You Want” option, I consistently pay well above average, because the seller is “an entrepreneur like me.”
- If a potential reader emails me a sob story about not being able to afford $4.95 for one of my books, I give them the book for free.
- When my husband and I sold our first house, three buyers wanted it. Instead of encouraging a bidding contest, we sold it — at the asking price — to the first woman who toured the place because she said she wanted to raise a family there. At closing, she had a literal screaming-and-crying meltdown over a minor contract detail.
- I tip extra generously because 30 years ago I waited tables for six months, so “I know how it is.”
- And of course, there was the matter with the book-launch company that bullied me when I asked, “Um, what exactly are you doing for the $6,500 I paid you?” — and I backed down.
That last episode was the wake-up call I needed to finally get smarter.
I realized “nice” people often spend (and fail to save) because we fear upsetting someone, because we feel guilty, or because we don’t want to seem stingy.
We worry that if we challenge service providers, they’ll take offense.
All of this leads us to prioritize strangers over ourselves and our families, financially speaking.
I now understand we must put ourselves and our loved ones first — because if we don’t, we end up short on cash and feeling desperate.
Consider this: We can be far more useful to others when we feel abundant, calm and financially sorted than when we’re frantic, anxious and broke.
This isn’t about being miserly or refusing to give of yourself — it’s about being intentional with what you share, spending your money where it will do the most good, and not handing out cash from a place of guilt.
If you’re ready to learn from my missteps and stop being too nice, here are five ways toharden up— and begin restoring your bank balance.
1. Ask Your Employer or Clients for a Raise
We’re often reluctant to request pay that reflects our worth — but your financial security is on the line!
If you can demonstrate the value you’ve added has increased — maybe you’re bringing in new customers, you launched a profitable product or system, or you helped your employer cut expenses — attempt to negotiate a higher paycheck.
For example, early in my writing career I asked my editor at Family Circle for higher pay. I was making $1 per word and had penned several pieces that received excellent feedback.
The editor raised my rate to $1.50 per word and asked me not to tell anyone, because I’d become their top-paid writer!
2. Scrutinize Your Bank Statements Closely
Reviewing your finances weekly with a critical eye might make you feel ungenerous, but keep in mind: This is money you earned that could be used more wisely for you and your family.
Watch for subscriptions to cancel, automatic payments you forgot about, and expenses that don’t serve you.
I did this recently and found several charges and subscriptions I didn’t even realize were draining my account — a staggering $80 a month. (That’s a date night right there!)
3. Be Relentless When Hiring
Before engaging any professional or service — from designers to landscapers — ask the tough questions — and don’t fret about offending them.
Exactly what will they do for you, when, how, and at what cost? I’ve found that genuine professionals welcome these inquiries. If they react with anger, say “sayonara, suckers” and look for someone else.
If someone you hired is underperforming, tell them to improve, or let them go. Don’t feel guilty about expecting competent service from the people and businesses you pay!
I ended up firing the book-launch company and hiring someone who was cheaper and better — and who answered all my questions clearly.
4. Expect Decent Products From Stores
If you’re like I used to be, when you’re making dinner and realize a bell pepper you bought yesterday is rotten inside, you just toss it and move on.
No more! These small losses add up, and you deserve usable products for your money. Return that nasty item and ask for a refund or exchange.
Last fall I spent more than $200 on jeans and a cardigan that developed ugly pills after only a few wears. I let them sit in my closet for months, thinking I might fix them… until I grew tired of opening my closet and feeling annoyed every time I saw those pieces hanging there, mocking me.
I contacted the retailer’s headquarters and explained the situation. Even though it was well past the return window, the company issued me a gift card for the amount I’d paid for the defective items.
5. Reward Only Top-Notch Service
You don’t need to tip 25% because you know the server earns minimum wage, buy your child’s teacher pricey gifts you can’t afford because they don’t earn much, or slip a large check to the garbage collector at Christmas out of guilt.
Give generously when the service truly merits it. Otherwise, the customary amount or a modest token of appreciation is appropriate.
Yes, it’s good to be kind — but not when it damages your finances. Learn from my errors, and don’t wait until your bank account is drained before finally standing up for yourself.
Your Turn: Are you “too nice,” and has it hurt your finances? What steps have you taken to change?
Susan Marcelli has been a full-time freelance writer since 1997. She’s the author ofHow to Do It All: The Revolutionary Plan to Create a Full, Meaningful Life — While Only Occasionally Wanting to Poke Your Eyes Out With a Sharpie, which will beFREE on Amazon.comfor three days startingJune 30, 2016(Kindle format only). Snag your copy before the price returns to normal!
